We’re staying in the realm of food today, but moving on to more sensitive matters. The kind that can divide nations, friendships, and apparently the BDH comment section.

Yesterday’s discussion of the appropriate substitution between heavy cream, double cream, single cream, whipping cream, half-and-half, clotted cream, and crème fraîche reminded me of this diplomatic incident. (To put your minds at ease, for the bean recipe you can use any type of cream that doesn’t curdle, but thickens when heat is applied. You can look at fat percentages if you want for guidance, as long as you don’t mention Miracle Whip and Cool Whip to me. I’ve had them explained so many times and I still cannot make heads or tails of it.)

You’ll be forgiven, with everything else going on in the world, if you missed the great cultural incident that was The Great Flapjack Dissension of ’25. It began innocently enough, with the Back To School fourth episode of season 16 of the The Great British Bake Off.

Flapjacks, not as you know them, indeed. Our American friends took to social media in horror.

“What are these granola bars? Where are the real flapjacks? Have the Brits finally lost it to tent fumes?”

Accusations of narrow-mindedness and language evolution digs were thrown back. The social media world of desserts was in a brûlée and there didn’t seem to be a way to peace.

In fairness, the Bake Off has committed culinary crimes against egg and country before, so the outrage was not unmotivated. One cannot mention the GBBO Mexican Week in polite company, but I recall the s’mores incident, when Paul Hollywood requested something involving Italian meringue (?), with chocolate ganache (??), sandwiched between digestives (?!), lightly singed with a blowtorch (!!!). And if that didn’t just take the giddy biscuit, he deducted points when the confection was “too gooey”. Those weren’t s’mores, they were s’lesses.

In this case, however, the flapjacks are perfectly legitimate. In the UK, flapjacks are an oaty tray bake, golden-syrupy and buttery squares of soft goodness. Apparently, up North people eat them with custard, though I still suspect that might be a joke my friends played on me. The name underwent the rebranding in the 1930s, but the details seem to be lost to time and treacle. If you know the explanation, please chime in!

In the US, they stayed more faithful to their original etymology, from flap (“to toss sharply”) and jack (“a generic object”), and are basically a pancake. It’s simply one of those differences of old, like biscuits (flaky buttery wonders, not actually ‘a bit like scones’ at all), and biscuits (shortbreads and cookies, live-in-a-jar sort of things).

The moral of the story is perhaps that when even the humble flapjack or random cream can divide us, we’ll simply have to double down on efforts to embrace our differences. If werewolves and vampires can share a cup of coffee and run together naked in an inn orchard…actually, you know, that might not be the best example of camaraderie in adversity. Steve does tend to take things literally, and I don’t want an international streaking incident on my conscience.

You get the gist though.

Come, thou shalt go home, and we’ll have flesh for holidays, fish for fasting-days, and moreo’er puddings and flap-jacks, and thou shalt be welcome.

– William Shakespeare, Pericles, Prince of Tyre, Act II Scene I

The post Bake on, Bake off first appeared on ILONA ANDREWS.

Before anyone starts getting ideas from the name of today’s recipe, let me clarify: I’m neither interested in, nor pushing the nuptial element. This is purely about surviving the cold rainy season through carbs and cream. Steps can be taken to avoid the lactose, but not really the calories. Whatever, my chins, my choice.

Marry Me, You Giant Bean

This is a spin on Marry Me Chicken, a dish said to be so good you’ll want to marry the chef (or at least consider joint taxes). The folks at Delish adapted the original from a Tuscan recipe, and then it was relentlessly TikTok’d into legend.

When I first tried my luck at the non-poultry version, I had in my possession a jar of Greek fasolia gigantes, but you don’t have to go that far. Regular butter beans (lima beans if you’re of the US persuasion) or even cannellini will do nicely. Size doesn’t matter, but it’s a pleasant surprise, as the saying goes.

Ingredients:

• 450 grams/ 16 oz of drained beans
• 2 shallots (or one small onion)
• 200 ml (1 cup) of vegetable broth
• 250 grams/1 cup double cream (heavy cream in the US). Substitute coconut cream if you want a vegan/dairy free version
• 3 good tablespoons of sundried tomato paste. Or about 40 grams of chopped sundried tomatoes
• 40 grams (half a cup) of grated parmesan
• Flavourings: sweet smoked paprika, rosemary, salt, pepper. Of course, you can riff here, and go closer to the OG Marry Me recipe with garlic and red pepper flakes, or experiment with thyme, basil, sage, lemon peel, chilli oil etc. Make it your own!
• Baby spinach (optional) – in the UK, one of those small salad bags the supermarkets annoy us with. In the US, about 3 cups. Remember it wilts down to nothing.

Slice the shallots and fry on medium heat for 5-10 minutes, until brown and soft, then stir in the flavourings and the sundried tomato paste and cook for another 2-3 minutes. Add the beans and the broth and cook them uncovered for 5 minutes. Crush some of the beans if you want it EVEN creamier. No one has the right to judge you or your cream needs.

Pour in the cream and the parmesan and watch it thicken, then take off the heat and stir in the spinach if you want it (or if you’re anemic and don’t have a choice).

And that’s it. My sourdough starter, Olivia Low-Gluten John, makes a very crusty loaf and I dove right in with a slice. Pure bliss. It also works as a very rich side, for those days when you scream into the void and the void doesn’t know what it wants for dinner either.

In ye olden times it would probably be called a dish for women on the go, but I am very much a woman on the stay. Stay inside and be cosy.

Marrying always optional.

The post Eat, Drink, and Be Married (or Not) first appeared on ILONA ANDREWS.

For the past couple of weeks, the blog has become a magnet for unsolicited messages from every corner of the multiverse. My personal theory? The immortal wereferret who solves crimes in space finally found Wi-Fi and interdimensional spam filters are still in beta.

Here is just this morning’s batch, for your blocking pleasure:

Are you tired of being a mere Significant? Does your family gathering feel incomplete without a Prime or two? Do whispers of ‘failing vector’ follow you around at work?
I am Doctor Arkanum, senior distributor of Authentic Natural Organic Osiris Serum, harvested directly from the source in the Summoner’s Jungle, and distilled in the finest Texan research laboratories.
For a limited time only, one injection will unlock your hidden potential, enhance your magic, and possibly grow you an extra spleen! Changes guaranteed* within 24 hours.
Hurry, offer only available while stocks last!

^{Disclaimer:
Results of change may vary. Primeship is an aim, not a promise. Possible side effects include (but are absolutely not limited to): spontaneous combustion, becoming a sentient shade of the color blue, swimming in swamps, uncontrollable craving for raw chicken}

Bot or no, it’s just an all-round bad idea!

Hello Glorious Inheritors of the Magic Age,

I, Roland, Great Nimrod of Shinar, Builder of Towers, and Occasional Father of Disappointingly Independent Daughters, wish to use this golden medium to inform you that I am now accepting new worshippers and real-estate investors.
If you’ve ever bemoaned crumbling city walls and the lack of proper ziggurat infrastructure, I am the Sharum for you!
For a modest tithe (and your undying loyalty), I shall raise for you a tower so magnificent even the magic waves will pause to admire it.

Act now! Supplies of divine favor are limited. Contact: rolandtheeternal@neigrealm.biz

Who do the Remaining think they are fooling? Everyone sees right through their schemes to besmirch Elara’s name.

My name is BRYNDA from the Western Marshes, and I just want to use this blessed opportunity to testify about the Great LORD D’AMBRAY and LADY ELARA of Baile Castle!!
For months I was suffering from a terrible CURSE that made my left eye see ghosts and my right eye see tax collectors. The healers of the Order said there was NO HOPE for me. I tried charms, holy water, even a low-level trip to the Death Waters of Nav, but nothing worked until I read about the MIRACLE TOUCH of Lady Elara and the mighty prayers of her husband, Lord Hugh D’Ambray, former Preceptor of the Iron Dogs.
I sent a raven to their HOLY SANCTUARY and, praise be, within 48 hours a spectral mist appeared in my chicken coop! I awoke to find the curse lifted, my hens doubled in size, and my ex-husband mysteriously bald. Truly their power knows no bounds!!
If you are living with ANY CURSE, AILMENT, or MINOR DEMONIC INCURSION, do not delay!
Write immediately to: Sanctuary of Healing and Redemption, care of Brother Irosi the Remainer.
Messenger birds carrying gold only! DO NOT send silver by post (the wards reject it).

And finally, this is obviously not Dina (who ensures all her guests survive!), but it is the one I almost fell for. Holidays at the inn would make everything better.

Gertrude Hunt: where the holiday spirit occasionally bites back!

For the more discerning guest with a taste for danger: book your Christmas stay at our intimate Inn before the upcoming minor planetary incursion and receive the ultimate gift of the season: survival.

Included amenities:
Complimentary tea service, even during invasions.
Plasma-proof tinsel decorations
A Red Cleaver chef still banned in five star systems
Former galactic tyrant dinner companion
No surcharge for hovercrafts full of eels

Holiday breaks count for double loyalty stamps toward your next galactic summit! (Survival required to redeem.)

The post Primes Hate This One Trick first appeared on ILONA ANDREWS.

Since NASA (sort-of) confirmed the discovery of Earth’s new moon, regular zodiacs have been temporarily suspended for Spooky Season. Because traditional signs don’t account for shapeshifters, galactic inns, or kaijus with fashion hobbies, this October we’re astrologically operating under House Andrews rules.

Move over, Mercury, it’s the Horde’s turn to be in retrograde! Welcome to the Ilona Andrews Zodiac*:

Kate Daniels – Capricorn

You head the zodiac because you’re the one pulling us all after you.

After long years of holding the world together by sarcasm, grit and pain threshold alone, you’ve learned to set some ward boundaries. And then the world has the nerve to turn around and tell you not to take the Babylonian towers at the edges of your land personally?! But you’re literally a person!

So, now you’re in your ‘we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it’ era of protecting your peace, one eye roll at a time. The rest of us will just learn to keep up.

Adaline Moore – Aquarius

You’ve made a life out of surviving the unsurvivable.

Betrayals and incompetence from those around don’t stop you. If someone ghosts you, you respect the dead and move on, winning battles and making allies on the way up. The Adas of the world put the ‘Here be monsters’ on our maps of the unexplored.

When it’s your turn to get mood poisoning, you like to take your pet beast for a wander around the local heavily-wooded area. Becoming the thing that terrifies the townspeople is free.

Maud Demille – Pisces

Welcome to the high melting point of ionic compounds!

You suffer like they’re handing out prizes for it, and would rather live on metaphorical Karhari than ask for help. Once you accept that your empathy for people can be returned, and you deserve to be helped and loved back, you shine like no other. On and off space stations.

Don’t look now, but there might be a whole planet of loyal vampires who have your back.

Arabella Baylor – Aries

You feel and love more deeply than most, but you can also be a weapon of mass disrespect when you choose to.

People underestimate you at their peril, and you’re not above leaning into their biases as a public service. Who else will teach them the lessons they so clearly need, like: “silly doesn’t mean stupid”; “chatter was given to me so I can better conceal my thoughts”; and, crucially, “mess with the honk, you get the bonk”.

The world can be a lot when you’re a volcano doing its best to hold explosions in check with nothing but sheer will and a well-tailored outfit. Everything will be ok. And you have people you can love in the meantime.

Hugh d’Ambray – Taurus

You’d rather die on your white unicorn horse than get off it.

Mortals love to spread rumors about your past; you consider it fanfiction. Even if they don’t recognize it, you know the path from iron-fisted warlord to iron-willed protector took a lot of introspection. Preceptor in the streets, up all night pondering corporeal existence in the sheets, y’all!

Keep healing, digging safe moats, and proving that redemption, once chosen, doesn’t need anyone’s permission. You hear that, megalomaniac wizards everywhere?

Catalina – Gemini

The living embodiment of your duality: enchanted voice, deadly gift; anxious heart, brilliant mind.

You got such a head for knowin’. When you roll up to your first rodeo, no one’s able to tell, because you’ve researched rodeos a bunch beforehand. But if they ask you a question about your personal life, you’re apt to freeze. It’s frustrating when everyone mistakes that shyness for fragility.

You don’t need to choose between the two halves, Siren and Harpy. You were always meant to be both the melody and the scream.

Julie Lennart-Olsen – Cancer

If love demands a limb, you sharpen the Stymphalian-blade knife yourself.

There’s no personal sacrifice too high when the people you care for need it. Your accomplishments can seem like a curse: seeing everyone’s true colours, remembering everything, and building blood armor out of the pain. Even when you think no one recognises you behind that thick carapace of disguise, remember that you are known and you are loved.

They call you defiant and bratty. You didn’t choose this honor; it was awarded to you in combat. Wait … why does that medal look suspiciously like a metal rose?

Curran – Leo

Let’s be honest, who else could do this job? Not Jim, that’s for sure.

You definitely could have waited to be king, but the spotlight finds your First nature wherever you go. This is the sign of solar gravity; people can’t help being pulled into your orbit. The Beast Lord who built an impenetrable Keep out of discipline and sheer decibels!

That’s not to say your life is all hakuna matata: the only fairies you’ve come across lay dead at the feet of the Sharatum who looked you dead in the Alpha headlights and said, “Here, kitty, kitty”. But you’d roar it no other way.

George Camarine – Virgo

You’re playing chess while everyone else is still trying to figure out the rules to Candy Land.

In the endless pursuit of order and solutions to the great cosmic problems, you sometimes forget that the people you love aren’t pieces on the board – they get to move themselves. Yes, we know you’re better at thinking ahead and across parallel realities. Allow some surprise in your life! Even your leisure time comes with footnotes, and your actual hobby is usually researching the hobby.

We sometimes giggle when you keep tripping on that rug you sweep things under. It’s not meanness; we’re just glad there’s one reminder left that you’re still human, and not just the algorithm that holds the universe together.

Dina Demille – Libra

You’ve turned diplomacy and balance into an art form, and simply being in your presence is regulating for those battling chaos.

Equal parts empathy, boundary-setting, and creative problem disintegration, the space around you is a haven because you are one. Calm in the storm, kind to the lost, and willing to sweep up a galaxy’s worth of messes, your shoulders would rival Atlas’. You are the supreme back-haver of all support systems, and deep down you don’t even understand why everyone is on their own journey? That’s a horrible idea, we should all be forming supportive Hordes to see us through!

Sure, you do sometimes take risks and fall in love with werewolf poets here and there. But who amongst us hasn’t counted their philosophical chickens before they scholared?

Roman the Black Volhv – Scorpio

We’re not the villain. We’re the warning.

Someone has to commune with the mysteries of the descent into the void, and take over the responsibility of meeting the initiating divine in its terrible aspect. Look for us where the shadows hang out, for a reminder that endless glow, without contrast or rest, is just another kind of destruction. We’re the keepers of the necessary dark.

When conditions are met, we can be very nice. Most people are still trying to figure out what those conditions are, so in the meantime, we’ll be misunderstood. Send help. And snacks. (Snacks first.)

Orro – Ophiuchus the Phoenix (the secret 13th sign)

Because any star-studded event needs a Red Cleaver chef! Yay, astral jokes!

The sign of dramatic reinvention, emotional artistry, and setting things on FIRE! when people fail to appreciate your genius. You rise from your Shakespearean-level despair and your dramatic woods every few months, covered in flour and glory, and produce something that makes the galaxy weep. The melodrama is a necessary step.

Those born under Orro are passionate, perfectionist, and possess a heart as big as a mango cupcake is delicious. Don’t disturb the masters at work.

Nevada Baylor – Sagittarius

Truth is your compass, and you never miss north.

You’re the first responder in a crisis: calm, steady, and leading when the world is caught in a wildfire. The steady center that holds the zodiac family together, you’re the ego that mediates between Arabella’s brilliant id and Catalina’s relentless superego. You see through lies the way others see through glass, but sometimes you have to hide the full reach of your power, because freedom means everything to you.

Keep chasing the horizon. The blaze bends for those who know where they’re aiming.

*Before anyone asks: no, I didn’t pull the character charts or call an astrologer. These are vibe-based matches, not canon-compliant book birthdays. I don’t like to pay attention to detail. That’s the thing the devil is in!

The post Born Under a Horde Sign first appeared on ILONA ANDREWS.

It’s Monday! Before you boo, we’re ushering in a week when classic museum heists are back on the news, the clocks are about to turn back, and it’s hard to focus pocus on anything but tricks and treats.

The immortal Texan wereferret hedgehog diaspora fun in Friday’s comment section have once again proven that we are a mighty Horde in STEM (shenanigans, tomfoolery, escapades and mischief). What better time to encourage a little creative BDH chaos?

There are famous subreddits called Explain a Book (or Movie) Plot Badly, where people summarize beloved stories so inaccurately, they become masterpieces.

Think:

Professional nephew goes on long walk and loses jewellery.

Lord of the Rings

Or:

Girl lands her man after she dries her hair, shows off her legs and stops talking.

The Little Mermaid

Naturally, we must try this with Ilona Andrews books. Here’s my go at the first one:

Ex-warlord with attachment issues discovers the power of cows, gardening, and unconditional love after cursing at a unicorn.

I know you can do worse!

Pick an Ilona Andrews book, novella, or even a free snippet and explain the plot badly in the comments. Be as misleading as possible while staying technically accurate. If your summary makes another reader snort tea out their nose or makes Ilona message me with “MOD R, NO!” you’re doing it right.

Go forth, BDH. Confuse newcomers, alarm Goodreads, and make Caldenia proud.

The post Explain the Plot Badly first appeared on ILONA ANDREWS.

This week was heavy on traditional publishing tasks and business side of things. We needed a merchandising contract. We needed a lawyer to look it over. We had some IP questions regarding the audio books. We did some writing.

I’m a bear of very little brain at the moment.

I decided to bundle all of the recipes from the blog into a small cookbook. Surprisingly, we posted quite a bit over the years and people kept losing the recipes as the posts are archived.

Posts are archived and deleted for a reason. They become obsolete or we might have said something that now isn’t accurate because situation changes. When the posts are gone, it’s because we want them gone. Anyway, a cookbook would preserve the recipes in a single convenient place.

Unfortunately I’ve discovered that I’m terrible at food photography. Things I can do: make delicious food. Things I cannot do: photograph it.

I’m not sure if the cookbook will have pictures. I will try my best. I’m testing every recipe to make sure I can include actual ingredient quantities rather than a dash of this and a pinch of that.

On the plus side, I have been approved for a purchase of a massive air fryer. We will probably charge a couple of bucks for the cookbook to recoup editing and production costs, and the air fryer came in handy. This particular model has a shallow and wide basket. I stuffed 24 drumettes into it. It took a while for them to crisp because of the mayo coating, but Gordon, as the official sampler, pronounced them delicious.

I do not understand the deep air frier baskets. Nothing crisps for me in those.

Today might be pork carnitas day. I’m not sure.

Someone asked about my favorite tea. As you probably know by now, my blood is 78% tea water. I used to lean heavily into oolongs, but now I mostly drink black tea. Since we established that I take terrible food pictures, I will be stealing images from Harney & Sons. All teas will be linked below.

All teas were consumed without milk or lemon, although sometimes Splenda was added. We receive no compensation from the tea providers below and these are not affiliate links.

Russian Country

To no one’s surprised at all, this is my go to. My first cup of tea in the morning is usually Russian Country. It’s a smoky tea, strong flavor, blended from several tea varieties. It’s probably an acquired taste, but it reminds me of my childhood.

Harney & Sons: Russian Country tea.

Celebration

This is a milder black tea, and the lighter flavor lets the other ingredients shine: it has apricots, blue cornflowers, hazelnut, plum, and cinnamon. I will be honest, I can neither smell nor taste cinnamon in this, and I don’t miss it. This tea smells amazing, its taste is complex, and it makes you think of fruity desert.

Harney & Sons: Celebration tea.

Valentine’s Day

This smells amazing. The vanilla is strong and there are hints of chocolate. This is another milder tea with chocolate nibs and rose petals, and it’s Chinese black tea base allows those flavors to come through. Gordon bought this in bulk for me and I drink it when I want a treat during the day.

Harney & Sons: Valentine’s Day Tea.

Vanilla Comoro

Vanilla Comoro is a decaffeinated tea, and it is amazing. It tastes rich, with a strong hint of vanilla, and if you would like an evening or late afternoon tea without the caffeine spike, this is an excellent choice. I drink massive quantities of this and restock frequently.

Harney & Sons: Vanilla Comoro.

Vahdam Spiced Turmeric

The last tea on my list is an herbal tisane. When my primary doctor looked at my latest blood results, she saw some inflammation markers and she suggested turmeric to lower it. Not in a pill or supplement form. Apparently, turmeric is the latest “miracle” fad. Supplements are very loosely regulated in US and some people became sick taking them.

My doctor was very clear: turmeric consumption had to come in a way of actually consuming the spice itself, and this tea was my answer. It is spicy and strong, with turmeric, lemongrass, and ginger, and I honestly thought I would hate it, but instead I look forward to it.

It is a very acquired taste; however, so I would recommend sample size to try it out. It does help with inflammation, but I also drink a lot of it.

Vahdam: Turmeric Spiced Herbal Tea.

I am now going to brew myself a cup from this selection, check on my friend, and then dive back into work. we have some fun stuff coming down the pipeline, but too early to talk about it. More to come.

The post Tea and Cooking first appeared on ILONA ANDREWS.

This is not the usual post. For reasons. Mainly because Ilona usually handles the blog posts. She’s better at it. But occasionally, I pop in with a post.

Today, I just wanted to talk about an artist I found recently on Spotify and really dig. A few weeks ago, I was in the pool, enjoying a nice Shiner Bock, as one does, when a song came on that I liked immediately but didn’t recognize.

Was this a New Order song I didn’t remember? Surely not. I know I’m not a smart man but I have been gifted, or cursed, with an almost encyclopedic knowledge and or memory of 80’s alternative and new wave. Sadly, it takes up most of my brain.

A few years ago something similar happened when Ilona and I were watching Lockwood and Co when Party Fears Two by the Associates came on.

We were floored. We knew it had to be old school 2nd British Invasion but neither of us could remember having heard it before.

This was like that but it ended up being a newer artist. The song I heard was Stars (feat. The Horses) which Won released in 2016.

My favorite of his songs is probably The Night Has an Alibi which came out in 2017. All of his videos are a bit odd, in the best way but this one has, intentionally or not, a distinctly Greek myth feel to it.

He also has more recent songs like Everything Fits and Faithful Heart from 2024.

Honestly, I hate that I just now heard his music and really feel like he should be huge. I don’t know what genre he would be in other than really good music. I played some of his songs for Kid 2 who also digs that kind of stuff and she in turn shared a radio station she likes. By shared I mean she messed with the car radio and turned it from 1st Wave Channel 33 to KTSW 89.9, Texas State University’s campus radio station.

While I don’t recognize a lot of the songs KTSW plays, the DJ’s don’t always tell you name of the song or the artist, and it’s kind of fun to watch her frantically Shazam it.

I’m glad she did because it took me back to being a teen and listening to WWCU 95.3, Western Carolina University’s campus station.

I put the link there because the banner of the Smokey Mountains is really pretty and sort of how I remember it.

It was great because they played music you wouldn’t normally hear that deep in the Appalachian mountains. REM, INXS, the B-52s, Oingo Boingo. You know, 80’s college radio songs.

Oddly, enough, WCU and TX ST have basically the same mascot. Ours, I am a WCU alumni, is a catamount while theirs is a bobcat but the logo is nearly identical. I wish she’d been able to experience the beauty of WCU the way her mom and I did but I reckon TX ST is close enough.

Like many Gen Xers it’s easy for me to get stuck in the 80’s and 90’s musically, for instance, I’ve been listening to a lot of Alice in Chains, specifically their MTV unplugged gig from 96.

But do yourself a favor and give Wons a listen and maybe even give your local college station, if you have one, a try. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Quick edit. I wanted to share links to Wons’ Instagram. Not sure how to link to his Spotify. If you have it, just type in Wons Phreely and it should pop up.

https://www.instagram.com/wonsphreely

The post Labor Day Odds and Sods featuring Wons Phreely first appeared on ILONA ANDREWS.

A very official-looking envelope addressed to the BDH was waiting for me this morning when I got to work. Indigo-colored seal, bond paper smelling faintly of melted aetherium, letterhead. The whole shebang.

RE: Application to Join
From: Cold Chaos Guild
Applicant: The Horde
Talent: Book Devouring

Thank you for your enthusiastic interest in joining Cold Chaos. After a careful evaluation of your application, we regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a position with our guild at this time.

This is not a reflection on your abilities. Our breach assignments do not currently require skills such as “rapid disassembly of haunted libraries”, “dushegubbing a whole anchor series overnight” or “aural exorcism of cursed breach audiobooks”. Should the nature of this war change, please rest assured we will revisit your application with all due care.

Regarding the additional guidance you requested about establishing your own guild:

I do not have a personal opinion on the tie break between the names Guild of Ripper Cushions and The Chalant Ferrets.

However, I must strongly object that gate-diving “definitely seems like a ‘try and see how it feels’ kind of thing” as you put it. Becoming a successful guild hinges on disciplined teams who trust each other. I appreciate that it is important who shouts “LEAD ME TO THE SLAUGHTER BARSA BARSA” loudest during attacks, but it is not, in itself, a viable operational strategy.

We are grateful for your passion, and your 14-page appendix of suggested breach tactics entitled “I love the sound DDC policy makes when I break it”, which did raise some flags in our legal department.

The world may yet require your knowledge. Until that day comes, keep your tanks close and your healers closer.

PP: Leo Martinez
on behalf of Elias McFeron
Guildmaster, Cold Chaos

Alright. Fess up.

Who was supposed to be watching Steve?

You know he’s not allowed access to the Horde email account since that Unicorn Lane karaoke night and the thing with the kraken.

The post We Got Mail first appeared on ILONA ANDREWS.